So True

Keep on Waiting slightly Hoping

via Reflection #1172017

Waiting game is real for all women like me out there. Still nothing comes out right now but what is in my mind and keep on praying for it that this is not another nightmare of my life. I don’t want to undergo surgery again for another ectopic pregnancy. Your will be done dear Lord but I am asking for more strength to endure this game.

Update about this post, thanking God for a big relief that my period showed up this afternoon. Now, I am back in dancing the real tune of life.

So True

Reflection #1172017

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There may comes a time in life that you get tired of waiting. And by waiting patiently gives you a lot of worry. Questions pop-up, “What IFs?” and then suddenly makes your world stop.

Getting a lot of questions in your mind that makes you feel anxious. Worrying about things that have not yet come. This is the right time, to bow your head and ask God for the strengths to endure whatever bothers you.

Personally, I am writing this post for myself to remind me of whatever things that will happen soon, I know God is with me. I am bothered about this two-weeks-waiting period like any other women who have there own cycle every month. Trying to conceive was the game I used to believe and then one day, I just wake up and said to myself, “Why bother? So what if I can’t get pregnant? Would it makes me bad in the eyes of the society?” Then I stop expecting at all and convinced myself that I am good not to have a child of my own.

Then recently this month, as I am already moved on into this issue of getting pregnant. Symptoms arise and my premenstrual syndrome doesn’t appear the right time as I am expecting it. My husband and I has been active during my fertile windows. I forgot about the precaution that somehow I may get pregnant. I am not afraid of getting pregnant but in thinking about the chances of me is only 50% to get it normal because of my previous ectopic pregnancy way back 2012. I am in cycle day 27 and hoping that my period will appear anytime today until Friday. It is impossible for me to get this cycle late because I am very much well-rested the whole month. Giving up reporting at work for my day job and working only at home in my online job. This give me less chance to get stress at my day job. I am experiencing more than a week now a UTI feels like but I don’t have it just  urge to urinate, even though little comes out when you do and adding this not sore boobs that I should have before my period.

It makes me feel sad that I have to experience this moment again. But believing that God is working with all of us who call to Him, I feel less in pain.

I will keep an update once my period will come and bring my life back on track. Still keeping this positive vibes along with me. Thanks for reading my pointless drama here.

So True

Reflection #11-1-2017


Dealing with partner suffering from mental illness that leads alcohol craving has tremendous effect in a relationship. But managing all the negativity and good things in life is quite tough. Still, if you strong faith in good things that exist in this cruel world, you can manage to close your eyes and say a prayer.

Alcoholism, or alcohol dependence, is a disease that causes craving – a strong need to drink. True as they stated with alcohol abuse, you are not physically dependent, but you still have a serious problem. The drinking may cause problems at home, work, or school. It may cause you to put yourself in dangerous situations, or lead to legal or social problems. This is not only a study conducted by dedicated researchers but a serious manifestation of real life scenario.

Mayo Clinic staff stated that if your pattern of drinking results in repeated significant distress and problems functioning in your daily life, you likely have alcohol use disorder. Honestly, this is the truth about my husband. Good things about him, he never did it in a daily basis tolerating himself to crave an alcohol but along the way, every time he feels disappointed, hurt, rejections and even feeling blissful, he forgot to take control of his alcohol tolerance. Ended up usually, leaving our door open in the middle of the night after he sneaks out to find someone to talk to and satisfy his time in having some conversation about life. While obviously, leaving me alone in my deep sleep.

This make me think about mental illness why people crave alcohol. Linda Foster stated that mental illnesses can increase the risk for alcoholism or drug abuse, sometimes because of self-medicating. On the other hand, alcoholism can lead to significant anxiety and depression that may appear indistinguishable from a mental illness. Finally, one disorder can be worse than the other.

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So there maybe times that I also suffer anxiety. I keep a lot to myself, jotting down my emotions through this personal blog and giving myself a time to reflect where did I go wrong? Sometimes, I feel like I am not good enough to manage his depression and also anxiety worrying things about his family and our future. This is not just a simple issue in every relationship but an awareness to everyone reading my blog that in every relationship, there should be the one who still stand and keep fighting mental illness. Even to the point of keeping it alone. But I am not yet alone, sure you are reading this post and certainly you feel me.

I want to end this post with one verse that I love from the bible.

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