No couple is perfectly matched and that is for real.
But for every relationships to last, each one must endured the test of time.
Funny but amazing we have reached 14 years in this relationship. After 5 years struggling to understand each other’s flaws, we settled down and took our vows under the sacrament of matrimony. The battle still continue, our journey is not yet end.
What amazing story that I have to share with you today is all about the struggles and journey of being a partner, a husband. Not everyday that woman speaks about their partner because women are from Venus and men are from Mars. They didn’t met and not until they collide in the universe.
We are typical Asian couple and to be specific, we are a Filipino couple. Both of us came from the generation that separates Xennial from Millennial. If I am going to define our generation from the old context, we are Xennial. But when I refer it to the recent study conducted by Pew Research Center, we are the first generation to come of age in millennium. In short, we are the stubborn millennial.
Who is he 14 years ago?
He was weird but romantic and always have girls around him. Maybe because he was earning his allowance from a show band keeping himself mentally strong despite of financial hardship. Looking at him 14 years ago, he was after adventure. Always on the go with his social life. He didn’t stay at home most of the time. Friends are those people who keep him happy all the time.
Our relationship started as a friend no romance because he was hanging out with his girlfriend. I knew that he wanted to get out of that relationship because his girl was so dominant while he found me easy going and enjoying different circle of friendships.
Then magic happened one day when he found me in a nearby town hanging out with my girlfriends. He didn’t missed that opportunity to show his affection and ended up saying the three magic word, “I love you”. But my answered was, “I love you?” because I am not sure what I am looking for, a friendship or an intimate relationship.
We started calling each other and he always there outside our school (that was during our college years). We hide our relationship because he was still in a relationship. I didn’t acknowledge him as my boyfriend because all I am thinking was sooner or later this will end. I saw him that time as one fling but I was all wrong.
Until I graduated in college and hopped in my first job, he was still there. I have my work during day time and sometimes I joined him at night while he was playing with his show band. Things get rough as we were approaching the first year of our relationship. I almost give him up but he was tough. He never listened and he trusted his gut too much about me.
After five years, we have decided to settle down our relationship and said our vows in front of our families and selected friends.
That was 9 years ago when we exchanged our vows. Then our career path continue to test our relationship because he was having fun in the show band.
The next 10 years of our relationship with 5 years as husband and wife is not easy. We didn’t have enough time to enjoy our moments because I’ve got a permanent job in the university as a faculty and he got his career rolling at night. Most of the time, he got home late past midnight or almost daylight when the sun is about to rise and I am ready to get myself for work. There was one time, I caught him cheating at me and this woman is craving for him badly that I almost lost my temper and step down to her level but it didn’t happened. For the second time, I tried to give up on him but he didn’t. So we manage to survive the following years of our married life. That time, I continue my master’s degree.
Then, we didn’t noticed that our marriage was about to fall because of his alcohol problem. There was a time that our common friend passed by our house to inform us that he passed out in the gas station. Another one, I received a message from my cousin that he passed out again near our mother house in town and that scene keeps happening. There was one time that one of my Uncle who was on-duty as a police officer, visited me and told me that he was watching my husband in a nearby store adjacent from the police station. At first, I was bothered by his behavior until one day. He went home telling me that he ended his career in show band. That was few months before my master’s degree graduation.
His struggles didn’t stop there as we survived the first 10 years of our relationship. He was not capable to handle his alcohol problem. I noticed back then his emotional health is not good that he was up to now suffering from anxiety and depression. This was even worst when I’ve got ectopic pregnancy and he can’t accept how we failed to make our own family complete. When he feels sad, he got drunk. When he feels happy, he got drunk. But his normal day without getting attached to his emotions is pretty good. I didn’t get bothered because I have nothing to do if he couldn’t help himself. All I can offer is my time to listen to his never-ending story of fall.
What made him changed?
It was December 2016, when he finally get his head back. We were in the middle of accepting the changes that had happened in our families. It was 2013 when my sister-in-law got pregnant then the story of success in building their own house next to our ancestral house caught my husband. A year after we have found out that his youngest sister got pregnant. Then a month later his eldest sister got pregnant too. After they had successful delivered healthy baby girl and boy, few months then his brother’s girlfriend got pregnant too! Pregnancy was haunting the whole family now! While we were still have nothing to announce yet. Everybody were busy with their own babies to nurture, my husband took a chance to get his feet on the ground and think straight ahead. He supported my younger sister and her husband designing their own house and that triggered him to build our own house too. Last year, my sister got pregnant and she delivered her healthy baby boy this year last October in front of our house is a birthing home owned by our neighbor.
Back to my husband, who desperately want a change in his life. He took his skills in 3D modeling seriously until last February 2017, he got his first project as a remote worker. He get paid higher than my monthly salary and I am so proud of him that he finally get back but his alcohol problem didn’t get solved yet. So what we did if everyone in our family are carrying their own babies? We started to get action in our plan to build the dream house he wanted. To make sure that we will not get stumbled with our finances, I helped him by working remotely at night while keeping my day job as a college instructor (a professor by rank). We worked together hand in hand to make sure that we have enough savings before we get done with the phase one in the construction of our house, his dream house. Finally, the burden with his relationship with my father came into closure as my father accepted that the words he once said didn’t fit with the man my husband today. He had proven that my father was wrong to judge him like that and it was all in their memories now.
By next week, we will continue the remaining activities to complete the phase one before processing all the papers needed for the electric grid lines and water supply. We are looking forward to move out by December this year to achieve our goals for 2019. That is to have our own house to live because at this moment, we are living with our parents’ house. Have our room full packed with our working station, kitchen, bedroom and dressing room in one.
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My message to him and I am not sure if he can read this unless I will share this post with him.
To my man,
I am so proud of you. I didn’t expect to get this far with you after passing the rocky road up down hills of our life journey. You’re tough and stubborn but I love the way you handle our marriage. We are not perfect. We always discuss over things that is not really matter but matters to you. I always get positive outlook but you always caught me with your negative and harsh opinion. I have learned from you the hard way. You make me strong, emotionally and mentally, I know I am capable of handling you now far better than you know. It seems most of the time I don’t care at all but without any words, you know I still care and we care for each other.
And whatever will happen in the upcoming years, let’s stick to our plan. I know God will always bless and grant our hearts’ desire. No turning back, let’s keep moving until we are done with our mission in life. Our purpose is not for everyone to prove that we are worthy but for God to see that we are living our life the way He planned it before we get started our life together.
And forever, I will not put a question mark after the three magic words you have said 14 years ago but I will put an ellipsis that says for as long as I live, I will keep the period in that magic words. I love you.
This is the first ever blog post that I can say, I have got my heart speaks. Don’t critic my grammar, I am not into technical writing and English is not my 1st language. Though I am used to write in English but it’s not really good somehow it is better. Just to free all the emotions that I hold for so long now.
Doodle Your Life 